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Sometimes Nostalgia Is Horrible

There is this sense of nostalgia around my home and right now it is covered with the bad.  I don’t know why this town seems to suck the life out of everyone in it, but I remember things that have hurt and I just want to leave.

And this is freaking frustrating because this is my home, and my childhood was like a fairytale in someways, and I want to remember the good.

Right now I can’t stop recalling the nightmares and the depression.

There is good here too.  But the scars are thick and I can’t push past them.


This is me...

Anonymous said: what was the auditionh like for nbs?

This is a really broad question lol but overall it was quite intense.  (Just to clarify, I did the TTP one!) So, it’s four days and basically you attend all the types of classes you actually would have to take in the program.  You’re there from 8:30ish to 6:00ish and the entire time you’re under survellience, or at least that’s how it feels.  They watch you dance, they watch you take history (ballet history) classes, they watch you teach an exercise on the last day, and they watch you watch classes.  The people in head of the program are very friendly, but serious.  They only want the most dedicated, hard-working, ballet-loving dancers who are 100% ready to become mature, studious teachers, and they reiterate that desire for dedicated teachers a hundred times throughout the four days.  You have to have several meetings (including one with a psychiatrist, a physio therapist, and the program directors).  You get to ask people in the program how the program is (and I’ve been two years, and each year they say the same thing “If you don’t REALLY REALLY REALLY want this, run now” and “This is an extremely demanding program, do not underestimate it”).  The thing I found as well, is that Ms. Roes, who heads the program, will be brutally honest with you.  Her first impression of you describes a lot of how she will consider you so when you first meet her, do not act overly fake or anything but work to impress well.  She makes snap judgements that are usually fairly accurate (scarily accurate sometimes) and she will be friendly and approachable, but at the same time, she will not sugarcoat a thing.  If she doesn’t think you’re strong, she’ll tell you.  If she doesn’t think you can dance, she will tell you.  If she thinks you have good abilities for teaching and a strong personality, she will tell you that as well.  Don’t go into it thinking that if they don’t like you, they won’t take you, but also understand that if they don’t like an element of how you teach/work/dance/live they will tell you, same with the things that they do like about you. 

It’s a really fantastic experience, however, make sure you’re ready to give it every last ounce of energy and effort.  It’s hard, but satisfying, and that’s coming from someone who was turned down twice.  You will be seen no matter what, and you will be seen for your flaws and strengths, some of which will be discovered for the first time by them.  Their feedback will make you stronger and more aware of yourself and the experience in general is fantastic but intense.

Honestly, if I had to give one piece of advice, it would be to be fearless in your approach in each of the classes/tests/interviews/etc that they give you and if you mess up, own up to it.  They appreciate effort and enthusiasm, and love it when people give everything valient attempts. 

Let me know if I answered your question or if you have any other questions. :)

Hope that helped haha


"Nonfiction speaks to the head. Fiction speaks to the heart. Poetry speaks to the soul. It’s the essence of beauty. The essence of pain. It pleases the eye and the ear."

Ellen Hopkins


"I want to respond but can’t
find the pretty words I need."

Ellen Hopkins


"For Balanchine dancing did not reside in the pose but within the transitions themselves; the act of getting from one step to another, and one place to another, is the dancing."

Suzanne Farrell

"We often think that when we have completed our study of one we know all about two, because ‘two’ is ‘one and one.’ We forget that we have still to make a study of ‘and.’"

A. S. Eddington, The Nature of the Physical World



Martha Graham used to love to say, “The body cannot lie.” The body cannot lie. You cannot be somebody else onstage, no matter how good of an actor or dancer or singer you are.

When you open your arms, move your finger, the audience knows who you are, you know. And when the dancers move, together or individually, in a beautiful piece of choreography, and with gorgeous light and very arresting and evocative music, revealing themselves, it is such a privilege to be in the audience. At that point, I would like to be [in the] audience; I don’t want to be onstage.


Mikhail Baryshnikov


"I don’t like talking aobut my work. Either you’ve seen me dance you haven’t. You either liked it or you didn’t. I don’t believe that people would like to know why and how I dance a piece, or why I work with this or that choreographer. Dance is an ephemeral, a fleeting art. To describe this momentum, every movement on stage, in words is virtually impossible. I don’t know myself every time, why a performance is good. I only sense that it is."

Mikhail Baryshnikov in Christen 1994


"Why are you stingy with yourselves? Why are you holding back? What are you saving for—for another time? There are no other times. There is only now. Right now."

George Balanchine

"The simple point is that literature belongs to the world man constructs, not to the world he sees; to his home, not his environment."

Northrop Frye, The Educated Imagination

"…for although you can expound an opinion, or describe a thing, when your words are not quite well chosen, you cannot give a body to something that moves beyond the senses, unless your words are as subtle, as complex, as full of mysterious life, as the body of a flower or of a woman."

William Butler Yeats, From the Symbolism of Poetry


"It is not a question of who dances but of who or what does not dance."

Ruth St. Denis


"I will do anything to avoid boredom. It is the task of a lifetime. You can never know enough, never work enough, never use the infinitives and participles oddly enough, never impede the movement harshly enough, never leave the mind quickly enough."

Anne Carson, Introduction

"And if you were to build a snowman,
would you rip two branches from a tree to build your snowman arms
or would leave your snowman armless
for the sake of being harmless to the tree?"

Andrea Gibson


"When I see people on the street, I look at how they walk. It’s like a signature, a fingerprint."

Mikhail Baryshnikov